july 28 - fragile

this morning i was running around from one place to another.  it was monday morning and it seems as though mondays there are always double the amount of people here for clinic, plus we have an american doctor here.  i was helping them with clinic, one of our interpreters was really sick, various people i had seen over the weekend came to me wanting to be consulted.  all in all a busy morning.

i was in the birthing center to get a couple things for another patient.  ermilda (one of the nurses) was doing a delivery.  i realized that after this delivery there were no more cord clamps out, so i got some out of storage.  for some reason i felt a very strong sense that i needed to stay in the birthing center until the baby was born.  i usually listen to those strong urges.  so i stayed.  everything was fine.

i headed out of the birthing center to finish my running around and realized that i still had the cord clamps i had gotten out in my hand.  i almost continued down the hallway thinking i would take them back later, but instead turned back around to take them back into the birthing center.

when i came back into the room i saw anne marie (our other nurse) struggling to get the baby who was just pink minutes ago to breath.  she had him by his feet rubbing his back (which is usually one of their ways to get them to breath!).  his body had very little muscle tone, his color was anything but pink.

i threw on a pair of gloves, turned on the oxygen and grabbed an ambu bag in hopes to get this little one breathing again.  his heart rate was dropping, the face mask i had to try to give him some breathes with the ambu bag didn't fit his face, the oxygen tubing wouldn't stay in place.  nothing was working right!!

i quickly grabbed a new face mask and took a deep breath and reminded myself that i am not in control of the outcome of this little one's life, but can only do what i can.  i began to bag him again, this time a little more air went to his lungs.  he began to turn a light shade of pink instead of deep blue.  i finally heard a small whimper and he began to breath on his own.  he stayed on oxygen for a while, but by the afternoon he was with his mom breastfeeding well.

i am so grateful to the promptings i had to be around the birthing center at that time.  i don't know why i walked out with the cord clamps in my hands making me have to return.  no.  i do know.  somehow God is in control of all of this. . . and life is very fragile.