the church. . .

wednesday i started my road trip from kansas city to louisville, kentucky. on the way i stopped in columbia and had lunch with my dad. we discussed politics, the world and the church. those are our normal conversation topics. . . we talked about where the church is working, but also talked about how it seems the church is failing on many fronts. there seems to be so much brokeness that is largely ignored by the church. we ended our conversation from a rather negative perspective.

i continued my drive and arrived at the global health medical missions conference. within the first few hours of this conference i realized anew that the church is not dead, the church is not ignoring the needs of the world. i listened to story after story of the hands and feet of Christ working all around the world. there were workshop leaders and main session speakers talking about their experiences where they had seen God work in amazing ways. there were normal ordinary people telling their stories of treating the sick, praying with the broken, building community in places where things seemed hopeless. i realized with a new sense of vision that the church is very much alive. God is very much so working in this world.

God wants to be working in our daily life. He is working in amazing ways and He is also very alive and real in the small simple things of life. He desires for us to "do justice, love kindness, and to walk humbly with Him." Micah 6:8 how simple. how real. how true.

so big. . .

can you believe this little guy used to be three pounds?? he is laughing, smiling and will tell you a thing or two about his day! if you could just understand him!

(this is little isaiah who was born preemie in jan. 08.)

home. . .

thursday around 10:30 i arrived back in kansas city.

i had been delayed in miami and ended up spending the night in dallas.

i had a great hotel room that i was only able to enjoy for about 5 hours before i got back up to catch my early morning flight home.

thanks for your prayers!

life. . .

i feel like i am constantly challenged here in haiti to realize the true value of life.  

there are so many times when we value lives that are perfect, people who are beautiful, successful, impressive.

the first week i was here nicole, (the mother i have shared about who came from so far away and was in congestive heart failure) came here with her little nine month old son.  they were both so sick, from my perspective, i wasn't sure either of them would live.  last night they went back to their home in leogone, both in good health.  i have to say the first day i saw them i thought perhaps we would provide comfort measures to help them in their last days of life, but God had different plans.

as i write this i have a little one right beside me.  she was brought to us yesterday.  her mother had her on saturday and then died.  her father brought her because there was no way he could care for her.  she is 3 lbs. 2 oz.  she doesn't have hands or feet and her little tongue is stuck to the bottom of her mouth.  who knows what she has going on internally.  her father didn't want to keep her, he wanted us to take care of her.  i don't know that we will do more than provide comfort measures and love her over the next few days of her life, or if God has something else in store, but i do know that it isn't for me to decide.  her name is naomi.

little ones like naomi challenge me to look again at what i value in life.

team awesome!

this morning around 4:30, the rest of "team awesome" left. (yes, that is what my friends who were here from kansas city decided to call themselves.)  it was such a great time to have friends from church and work here over the last two weeks.  thanks for coming guys!  you brought so many smiles and laughs.  

the meshing of my two worlds was a bit crazy.  really though, that is what i want to do, bring two completely different realities together.  bringing the positives of both cultures and places to the other.  i want people to see and know what life is like for those who live here in haiti, how they can do so little and make a huge difference.  in contrast i think haiti also shows beauty and peace that comes along with simplicity and i know so many people come here and leave having been blessed and learned lessons far beyond what they imagined.

highlight. . .

today was a rough day!

but the highlight to my day was when little jmex (the little one on the right) leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek.  at first i thought that couldn't be, but then he did it two more times with a huge smile one his face every time.  what a beautiful baby!  

two weeks ago i wasn't sure he would live and here today he is completely lifting and encouraging my heart.

These are a few stories of the people I have been working with. .  .

Nicole Change - came from south of port-au-prince to here.  she said that is took her 15 days to come.  she is here with her 19 year old son and nine month old child.  she has four other children at home.  the father died in the water (hurricanes).  she is extremely sick, probably a heart conditions.  her baby is 9 months old and weighed nine pounds when they came.  i told her that her baby may not live and she said that she is with God and God will help her baby live.

Loudnika - came last week, horribly malnourished.  she is 2 years old and weighed 10 pounds.  i saw here at clinic before i left last time and tried to get her set up for a supplement program, somehow the mother never made the right connections and brought loudnika back to clinic because her teeth were falling out.

this is little Loudnika the day she came.  she has since gone to the hospital where she died.  the pediatrician i talked with said that she had heart failure from malnutrition and chronic anemia.

Frisken was horribly malnourished with kwashiorkor.  i was extremely worried about his kidney function the first few days he was here.  he came in extremely swollen, even his eyes were swollen.  he has slowly but surely made progress and yesterday looked like a different kid because his skin color was so much better and his swelling had gone down.

tickets. . .

the young people of the church here in st. louis put together a concert today for a blind man to help him raise money to be able to rent a house and help pay for some of his living expenses.  the man who is blind is a wonderful musician and his songs are amazing as he sings about how he has been created to praise God.  

to raise money tickets were sold for his concert.  one of my friends here purchased a ticket for me.  although the concert was supposed to start at 3 this afternoon, i meandered over to the church around 4 and was there as it was starting.  as i walked through the church courtyard, various children came up to me asking that i would take them into the church with me or that i would buy them a ticket so they could come.  most of these kids were little guys that probably wouldn't have even wanted to have sat still for such a concert, but as they asked, i was struck with a thought.

really these kids need a ticket out, they need a ticket away from their hunger, a ticket to receive an education, a ticket to a better life.  unfortunately, that is not simple.  but i have to believe that our programs here are making a difference in many lives.  our nutrition programs is meeting the needs of so many children, the medical programs, the surgery, the sewing hope project, these are all tickets to a better life.

really though what matters most is similar to the courtyard of church as those little ones asked to go with me to the concert,  is the hope that people see and ask to know the same Jesus that i walk with and that they desire to enter into eternity with a God who promises that there will be no more tears.  i have to believe there is that hope for an eternity where there will be no hunger, no pain, no death. 

amazing!

there is a little guy here named widley who has hirsprung disease and has had major complications with his bowels.  he has already had two surgeries, so we all know him rather well and he is just the cutest little guy you could know!

about 6 months or so ago he also started having problems urinating.  that didn't really correlate with his bowel problems.  today because we have a urologist here they were able to check him out and he had an almost centimeter size stone removed.  no wonder he could not go the bathroom.  what a blessing to have that doctor here and have the tools what he needed to really make a difference for this little guy.

one thing widley said after surgery was "if you guys don't give me something to eat, i am going to pull this IV out!"  what a cute 6 year old!!

to the hospital. . .

this morning i did something that is extremely hard for me to do and yet the only option that i have.  i sent two children who had been staying with us to the hospital.  one is loudnika.  a little two year old who weighs about 10 pounds.  i will write her story here later, but basically she is horribly malnourished and i think could possibly have tuberculosis.  the other little one was also horribly malnourished, but not in as acute of a condition.

the local hospital has a treatment center for malnourished children and for those with tuberculosis.  although i know they will receive great treatment at the house of hope where i wanted them to go, it was still hard to watch these little ones leave the gates in a tap-tap.  

i think i have to realize over and over again how little control i have over situations and people.  i can really truly only do what i can with the resources i have available and then trust that God will take that and do His will.  i had to trust Him as i watch these little ones leave the gates to go to a place where they can hopefully be provided with better care and have a pediatrician available.

hit the ground running. . .

i arrived in haiti safe and sound.

the only real problem was 60 missing bags from american airlines.  not sure how that many didn't get on the plane, but we got them a couple days later to the relief of the eye surgery team who couldn't operate without them.

i think to say that i have hit the ground running would perhaps be an understatement.  i knew things here in haiti would be hard due to the hurricane and it is!!

children are sicker, adults are sicker, things are extremely difficult here.  the hard reality is that things will more than likely get worse before they get better due to the hurricanes.

the awesome aspect is that God has placed extremely important people here at just the right times because they are seeing and being burdened for this place.

devastation. . .

the recent hurricanes that hit Haiti, from Gustav, Hanna and Ike have taken a country that was barely limping along and seriously are going to paralyze it.

please check on www.nwhcm.org for news about the country and what is going on with the mission. check out the link about the hurricanes to see pictures and hear stories about what is going on.

the problem is really going to be food over the next few months. the supply lines to the northern coast have basically been wiped out with the major flooding in and around the city of Gonaives.

thanks for caring about a place and people that many times are forgotten.

proud (August 15th)

I had a reminder of how fast and crazy things can be in maternity. I was working on a project in the birthing center and had been there for a few hours. We had two moms in labor, neither of which were doing anything too active.

I needed to check on something and was gone 20-30 minutes. When I returned all sorts of craziness had broken loose!

There were women on both tables. Sylveste who is one of our best nurses and always has it together had her gown on all messed up, Magdala who isn't usually in maternity was there with sweat pouring down her face. On the bed were two new babies, both screaming their protests to having been made to come to this place.

I asked if these were the moms who had been here earlier and no these were two new moms who had just come. One mom had had her baby on the road on her way here and by the time she arrived she had a prolapsed uterus. Basically her uterus was coming out. (if you don't know, that is NOT normal and it is life-threatening!!)

No wonder Magdala looked stressed. Magdala and Sylveste looked stressed. I asked Magdala what she had done to help the mother with the prolapsed uterus and she very matter of factly said "I just put it back in!" She saved that woman's life that day!

Both babies and moms were fine and healthy.

The nurses were a little stressed.

I was very PROUD of them!

Above is one of my favorite pictures of Magdala catching on camera her laughing spirit. She is so joyful!

hurricane hanna

the communication out of haiti right now is that hurricane hanna is causing some major wind and rains. please pray for safety and for the wind and rain to stop. many peoples homes are flooded horribly in such weather washing through their already dirt floors and causing major problems

to be complete. . . august 18th

to be complete is that not what every person seeks. do we not all ache to fill the emptiness that is in our lives. we too often seek to fill that void with a relationship, a job, a house, or a hobby. Yet, no matter what, those things don't complete us. a person, a thing, a place can't complete us. i have realized this truth over the last couple weeks.

i have been pressed with the truth that i have found in matthew. a rich young ruler comes to Jesus and asks what it is that he needs to do to be saved. Jesus responds that he should obey the commandments, the rich young ruler feels confident. he has kept the commandments. Jesus then tells him "if you want to be COMPLETE, go and sell everything you have and give it to the poor and come follow me." the rich young ruler was dissapointed, he had put his trust, his completeness in his possesions, yet Christ was saying that he wasn't complete.

i can't help but wonder what would happen if we applied this truth in our lives. what if we sold our possessions and if we sought Christ with everything we had. of course it goes against reason and doesn't make sense.

the things that make sense are -

-getting a good job
-having insurance
-being financially secure
-having an established retirement

somehow these things are not making people complete, but are causing increasing -

-anxiety
-stress
-depression
-emptiness

perhaps we should take Christ at his word. give of ourselves and find that in all of our pursuits of

-clothing
-nice houses
-power
-security

we are not complete.

Christ says to give it up and follow him. it doesn't make sense, but in His truth we will find

-peace
-joy
-fulfillment
and we will be complete!

reminder. . . aug. 10th

this morning in church i was so hot. merely sitting there sweat was pouring off me. my face was hot, my head felt heavy. when i am tired it is hard for me to understand creole and i really did feel exhausted. i had been up a few times with the nurses in the birthing center the night before. i was allowing myself to bask in my suffering.

i looked over to the women's choir to see madame jericho there. i am excited to see her begin to get involved in things at church. i knew that the women's choir was going to be singing because i had gone to visit her the day before and she wasn't home, but was at "repitition" of choir practice. her children and their father were there. it was really cute, one of her little one's john wendy is absolutely adorable and when he saw us coming he took off running to come say hi and instead took a tumble down the hill. i heard his father admonishing him that he shouldn't have ran so quickly. i cleared the top of the hill and began to dust his little body off from the dirt of his tumble, kissed him on the cheek and hoped all was better. anyway. . . that is a sidenote.

back to church. i was sitting there thinking about how miserable i was when i realized how many of these women have gotten up early, some even pressed their clothes the night before with charcoal irons and got themselves and their children ready for church. they were their praising and i was complaining in my heart about the weather.

i am so often in need of a new perspective. i am glad when they come, i just wish i could remember the lessons learned a bit longer.

water. . .

i was out at the bay thursday through saturday to have clinic on friday for pregnant moms.  i was supposed to go on wednesday, but ended up with a wonderful case of strep throat and figured i shouldn't share that with a bunch of expecting mothers!!  i still wanted to go because there is a new american nurse who is going to be at the bay for a year and i am teaching her how to do prenatal consults for the times i am not here. . . anyway, that isn't the point of what i am writing about.

while i was at the bay it rained.  that isn't a completely amazing fact.  the interesting aspect was it also flooded.  it appears that there is a flood plain through the front yard of the houses and clinic.  it was later friday night, we were playing cards by flashlight (you should try it!!) and one of the workers said, the water is coming.  then we could hear it. . . it sounded just like a river and it washed through the front yard.  it wasn't too high, or high enough that it was going to come in the house, but the sound and the power of it was amazing.  i began to think about the power that water holds.  if it would have been just a foot higher, we would have had no control over keeping it out of the house, no control over keeping it from washing away the items in the house.  the power of that rushing water stuck with my thoughts.

saturday while traveling back to st. louis du nord we were driving beside the ocean.  for those of you who have been here, you will have a visual of what i am talking about.  there is a boat that has been sitting right off the coast in the ocean for as long as i have been coming here, that is at least 10 years!  slowly but surely the boat has been worn down.  it changed from a boat, to two large pieces of metal and the other day i noticed that it was just a little bit of metal sticking out from the ocean surface.  

i thought back again to the water.  to the power of water.  water can be a strong force like a flood, or a slow steady force of the ocean's tide.  

the water reminded me in a way of God's love.  at times it is such a strong force like a flood, but it is also constant like the ocean's tide.  that is a comfort to me.

july 28 - fragile

this morning i was running around from one place to another.  it was monday morning and it seems as though mondays there are always double the amount of people here for clinic, plus we have an american doctor here.  i was helping them with clinic, one of our interpreters was really sick, various people i had seen over the weekend came to me wanting to be consulted.  all in all a busy morning.

i was in the birthing center to get a couple things for another patient.  ermilda (one of the nurses) was doing a delivery.  i realized that after this delivery there were no more cord clamps out, so i got some out of storage.  for some reason i felt a very strong sense that i needed to stay in the birthing center until the baby was born.  i usually listen to those strong urges.  so i stayed.  everything was fine.

i headed out of the birthing center to finish my running around and realized that i still had the cord clamps i had gotten out in my hand.  i almost continued down the hallway thinking i would take them back later, but instead turned back around to take them back into the birthing center.

when i came back into the room i saw anne marie (our other nurse) struggling to get the baby who was just pink minutes ago to breath.  she had him by his feet rubbing his back (which is usually one of their ways to get them to breath!).  his body had very little muscle tone, his color was anything but pink.

i threw on a pair of gloves, turned on the oxygen and grabbed an ambu bag in hopes to get this little one breathing again.  his heart rate was dropping, the face mask i had to try to give him some breathes with the ambu bag didn't fit his face, the oxygen tubing wouldn't stay in place.  nothing was working right!!

i quickly grabbed a new face mask and took a deep breath and reminded myself that i am not in control of the outcome of this little one's life, but can only do what i can.  i began to bag him again, this time a little more air went to his lungs.  he began to turn a light shade of pink instead of deep blue.  i finally heard a small whimper and he began to breath on his own.  he stayed on oxygen for a while, but by the afternoon he was with his mom breastfeeding well.

i am so grateful to the promptings i had to be around the birthing center at that time.  i don't know why i walked out with the cord clamps in my hands making me have to return.  no.  i do know.  somehow God is in control of all of this. . . and life is very fragile.

july 21

today has been beautiful from the beginning.  to think back to this morning feels like it could have almost been two days.

i started this morning jumping out of bed when i realized that i was or was very soon going to be late for morning devotions if i didn't get moving.  the power had been off for a while and it was warm, but then again, that is pretty much every morning.

my precious friend jordanne put together a collection of birthday cards for me today and i have opened those throughout the day and that has been such a beautiful and encouraging gift.

truly though i think the thing that has been the most overwhelming is the amount of medicine this group has brought.  the day before the group arrived we had two tubes of triple antibiotic ointment left.  i almost cried thinking about how difficult it was going to be to not have that over the next months.  i had sent an e-mail to the groups asking them to bring the medical things we need, but you never know what type of response we were going to get??  the response was amazing!!  we have so much triple antibiotic cream that we had to put some away in storage.  unbelievable!  of course there were other things as well, tylenol, ibuprofen and so many other medicines that we need here all the time.  i think that was basically those were the best birthday presents ever.

i went to the front after devotions to thank everyone for their generosity with what all they had brought and of course someone thought they should announce it was my birthday, so i had a group of over 120 people serenading me.  (not my favorite!!)

to top off the night my friends here gave me a surprise cake and presents party.  my friends were creative with their gifts as you have to be in haiti, but i was so grateful just for their love! 

to love and be loved is such a blessing in our lives.

gratitude. . .

i have been thinking about that word alot. gratitude. being grateful. appreciating what you have. i know that being in haiti always brings to life in me the reality of how blessed and privileged i am in so many ways.

i am grateful for water. currently we are having a problem here at the mission with our water supply. we don't know if it is the pump or the well. it hasn't rained in a couple months and we just got a new pump, so not sure. not having water makes one realize so quickly how important it is. i usually just turn on the faucet and don't even think about it, but there are so many people in the world who live extremely different from that. carrying water for their daily needs.

i am grateful for smiles. when life seems hard and complicated smiles and laughter is such a blessing. little isaiah (the preemie from when i was here before) is smiling and laughing and making those baby noises that are just beautiful and bring such a joy to my life.

i am grateful for health. one of our main staff persons here is out to the states with some major health problems and we are praying for healing for her. we had a 17 year old boy brought into the birthing center the other night after he had fallen four stories. he couldn't walk, talk or really respond at all. life is so fragile.

i am grateful for people who care. yesterday i realized we only had three tubes of triple antibiotic ointment left. as you can imagine we go through that stuff like crazy. but today as this group unpacked and we sorted some of the things they brought it was lots of triple antibiotic ointment.

i am grateful for grace. completely undeserved, yet so freely given.

bad connection. . .

we have had some electrical problems here which has made connecting to the internet challenging and my computer is acting up. sorry i haven't posted much. i will keep trying. . .

Fly a kite. . .

Saturday night the group that was here announced that they were going to go fly kites Sunday after church. They had brought around 50 kites and were going to head out to one of the mountain clearings and just start flying kites and play with the kids who ended up coming around. I thought that sounded like a great Sunday afternoon activity. Although of course I could imagine things going a bit crazy, I still thought I would try to go with them. Maybe part of the desire to do that was also a desire to not face my suitcases and work on unpacking them that afternoon.

Needless to say I did not go fly kites yesterday afternoon. But I would rather have done that, or about a million other activities other than what I ended up doing.

While eating lunch one of the nurses came to get me because there had been a baby brought to us in respiratory distress. The grandmother came with the baby because the mother had the baby on the road trying to come for a delivery here. By the time I saw the baby the nurses had put him on oxygen and he looked rather pink, but was struggling to breath. It was easy to tell that this little one was rather premature. I was thinking maybe at best 8 months along. Nirva, one of the nurses said that she thought he was dead when they brought him because of how dark his skin was. He had been almost completely blue. The problem was that this little guy just wasn’t ready to come into this world yet.

He wasn’t maintaining his temperature, so we used a solar shower bag and an overhead light to try to warm him up. (Our incubators don’t work, hopefully we have some on the way!!) His temperature started to come up to normal and really he was looking like he was struggling less to breath. Now where was his mother? She was still trying to get here. I mentioned to one of the interns here that this mom was trying to get here after having had her baby on the road and he right away wanted to go get her in a vehicle, so off they went, unsure of what her condition was going to be when the found her.

I waited, unsure of how severe this mom might be bleeding, unsure of all the things that come along with the difficult life here in Haiti. Vernot checked the baby’s temperature one more time, being sure we weren’t causing it to be too high. She called me over the crib and said, “umm, I don’t think his color is good at all.” It wasn’t. He wasn’t breathing. We tried to resuscitate him. There was no respiratory effort at all. But his heart kept beating. After about 4-5 minutes I took him in my arms, we kept the oxygen on him and just began to sing and pray. I was thinking how horrible it will be for this mother to arrive and have her baby be dead. He then started to take occasional gasps, then they started to come closer and closer. He started to pink up, his breathing became more normal. I was shocked. Then I heard the gator come through the gate with the mother.

She arrived and was able to hold her son. She told us she was 7 months along, confirming my suspicions that this little one probably didn’t have lungs that could survive on their own. Yet he continued to breath. Various people came to pray with the mother, all of us wanting a miracle of life for this little baby. Tears streamed down this young mothers face as she buried her face in her mother’s arms realizing that her little baby may not live. Yet her little son continued to breath. We all began to breath a little easier.

I was doing another delivery when I looked over and saw that this little baby boy was no longer the bright pink he had been, but was once again the ashen gray color. Nirva took over finishing the delivery I was working with and I listened with my stethoscope for any sign of life in this little ones body. There was none. Tears once again streamed down everyone’s faces as we grieved with this mother.

I wrapped the baby in clean blanket, put him in a box and gave him to the grandmother. A group member gave money so that she could get a taxi and return to their hometown of Bono to bury the infant.

I would have much rather just flown a kite that day. . . but I can’t imagine how difficult that day must have been for this mom.

overwhelmed. . .

there truly are times that i am overwhelmed. overwhelmed with the good things of life. some of those things are. . .

warm sun and beautiful flowers.

my roommate who made dinner last night, it was scrumptious. i think especially because i had been at work all day and to come home and spend time with friends was such a blessing.

extremely generous people in my life!

family who i love and who love me. being able to spend time with them over this last weekend as my brother got married.

mango dressing on my salad.

life is good!

promise. . .

tonight driving back to my parents through the rolling farm hills, i saw the most brilliant rainbow i have ever seen in my life. the radiance of it was so bright that the colors seemed to cover the trees right before hitting the ground. there was a double rainbow which looked almost like an average rainbow and in no way was as bright as the first.

what a beautiful breathtaking sky!
what a reminder of God's promises.
what a perfect reminder for me.

a picture would not do it justice (and of course i didn't have a camera!!)

march 13th

i read this journal entry this morning and thought that i would share it. . .

today as i went to visit wilben's at his house, he was just getting ready to eat. he was the only one of the six or seven children eating. there was no gathering around a table, no laughter, as siblings make fun of each other. he merely sat there in front of a steaming bowl of some type of thick broth and yams. there was probably very little nutritional value in the food he was eating. he was sitting on a dirt floor. he was sitting because he can't run around like the other kids. he has degenerative spina bifida. he can't walk and is over two years old.

i brought him and his family some cookies. an extremely small thing but the children were extremely excited to have them. the youngest sibling hardly able to walk toddled from person to person sharing bites of her cookie with each of them. her little yellow t-shirt had holes in it, it was the only piece of clothing she had on. actually as i realized that i saw all the kids only had a shirt on, their hair was orange on the tips (a sign of malnutrition).
i then began to really look at the house i was sitting in. i was sitting on a dirt floor, this family lives from day to day probably not knowing where their food will come from. this child who i have grown to care for will probably die from a preventable infection because he can't get the care he needs. all the sudden i was struck with how wrong it was. the whole situation. i was struck with how helpless i was to really help them. tears came to my eyes. i am helpless, but somehow God is in control. It is something i don't completely understand.

Se Segne (a haitian hymn) is drifting across the meadow of this place - another church is having a revival. i know why haitians sing so much. to take their minds and eyes off this place, this time, to focus them on Christ, to put their hope in him. Because without him there truly is nothing, nothing to hope for.

the body. . .

this last week i once again headed to the airport. this time i went to north carolina for a conference. it is called a TECH conference. it is various aid organizations and such that are trying to partner together to truly work to improve the developing world through sending medical equipment and supplies. there were engineers, biomed techs and electricians. i was amazed just in the realization that we each have our gifts and talents and it is through the expression of such that people are truly blessed, when we work as a body each with its own part, each appreciating the other.

i truly do appreciate those who enable so many parts of what i do in haiti. i went to a workshop called electricity on the field (sounded interesting ok!!). i realized that i know NOTHING about such things but i grew to respect even more those who do. another workshop about water and sanitation i learned about bio-sand water filters for thos with no access to clean water. wow. so much to learn. so much to do to work together.

comforts of home. . .

it is good to be home. i traveled to my parents on tuesday after going with janeil and heather to kentucky. my sister came with her two children and spent a couple days with us. (my nephew benton is in the picture above)

the comforts of home are great. . .

sleeping in.

spending time with family.

drinking coffee.

eating around the table.

shopping with my mom.

laughing at my dad.

making fun of my dad.

it is good to be home for a little while.

love. . .

ben (the little guy who had knee surgery yesterday), his brother benson and his mom were all sleeping on the same bed tonight. ben is doing much better. this morning he was crying and crying in pain. we had to restart his IV which was no small thing for a five year old who really doesn't like people coming towards him with any type of needles. his mom really loves him and his brother. seeing them all sleeping together on that bed brought tears to my eyes. more than likely that mattress is more comfortable than what they have at home.

i had a seminar with the nurses this afternoon and we will have another one tomorrow and then saturday am EARLY i will head home. i don't think it has sunk in to my head yet that i am really leaving.

uncertainty. . .

last friday while all the uncertainty about the rioting and the state of the country was going on, i was worried. mostly because i realized that there would be so many people who weren't going to get surgery. if we couldn't find diesel we wouldn't be able to run the generator. obviously no generator, no surgery. one little guy ben who is special to me because i have been seeing him every week since early february was scheduled for surgery. he has a horrible infection in his knee. it wasn't something that he would be able to live with and just wait for october when the team came back. it is something that needed to be taken care of as soon as possible.

we have enough diesel to do surgery on a bit of a smaller scale, the team that was supposed to come in on saturday didn't come. so things are a bit different from planned. there were people who weren't able to have surgery as planned. but ben had his surgery last night. he is in a cast and he will need weeks of antibiotics. but the possibility for him to have surgery, to be able to have a surgeon who knows what he needed is amazing. i am so grateful to dr. del and the team for being willing to be here and work as hard as they do. thanks guys!

moving on. . .

isaiah moved up to the baby orphanage today. he is all of 6 pounds and it is time for him to move into his new home there.

i have been working on getting some of my things sorted through and packed (or stored) to be ready to leave on saturday. i had tears come to my eyes a few times thinking about it. i am very ready to be home and get to see family and friends, but that doesn't mean i am ready to leave family and friends who are here.

life in haiti. . .

today has been an extremely full day!! i helped deliver twins. i was glad to have sylveste (one of our very experiences nurses in the birthing center) there because it was my first twin delivery. other than that we have a surgical team and lots of craziness going on.

if you have heard there is some unrest in port-au-prince. people here are hungry and mad at the government for not helping with the cost of food. we are safe here, but if things get complicated there, we don't get our containers with supplies, paperwork doesn't get done and things just get worse overall. so pray for peace.

sharing. . .

this morning in church a little toddler i know was sitting on my lap for a while, then he went and sat with his mom again. his older sister is in the feeding program and was horribly malnourished a year ago, so this is a family that really doesn't have very much. he was getting a little fussy in church and his mom got him a cookie. his face completely lit up! i thought merely because he was going to get a cookie, no, he broke it and toddled right over and gave me half of it. he gave it with so much joy! it brought tears to my eyes.

determination. . .

last week before i was supposed to be leaving for the far west, we also had a surgical team here, they were two surgeons here for womans surgeries. for whatever reason some of the patients who were scheduled for surgery didn't show up. so there were a few openings in their schedule. mdm jericho who is in my sewing project is always talking about how she needs to have planning or do something to not have anymore children. this is her with four of her five children outside their house. they also rent a room in this house to another family and have other family members who stay with them, so it is crowded. she knows that she can hardly care for the children she has and doesn't want anymore.

she was the first person i thought of when i heard they had openings for tubals. so i walked to her house to tell her that she had the opportunity to get her tubes tied if she wanted. her face lit up when i told her, she was so very excited. she turned to her husband to talk with him about it. while we were there he told her it was fine. but the day she was supposed to come for surgery it was a completely different story. he wouldn't help watch the children, told her that he would leave her because she needed to give him more children. she didn't care she said. she knew that he had left before, that she could have no more children, that she was going to do this with or without him. what a determination she had. what a hard life. i realized talking with her and the struggle that was going on was probably why so many woman hadn't shown up as scheduled for surgery. there is no simple answer to things here. there are so many cultural differences that i don't understand and really that i don't think i will ever understand. it is hard to look at things from any other perspective other than mine. but while mdm. jericho went through this whole situation i couldn't even imagine life in her shoes. i still don't know if she had surgery or not, because i had to leave the day before she was scheduled. i will try to visit her soon and see.

far west. . .

what a trip we had to the far west. we had two doctors, a nurse practitioner and many nurses and other helpers pull off five days of clinic. it was an accomplishment amidst rivers that were up, broken down vehicles and many changes of plans. hopefully it was a blessing to the many people we were able to see who don't have access to health care.

better. . .

thanks so much for your prayers. i feel much better. hopefully i will stay that way!

my prenatal clinic in the far west is tomorrow. then it is back here to st. louis possibly and off again on thursday to the far west for a week of clinics. should be good. hopefully the haitian people will be blessed by this time.

women of faith. . .

the other day i got an e-mail from my mom asking if i possibly wanted to go to a women of faith conference with her and some women from her church. thoughts of the difference between a women of faith conference at home in the states and the women's conference at the church here in haiti were running through my mind friday night was i went to the women's conference. i began to look at the woman who were sitting around me here in st. louis du nord, haiti.

the woman in front of me has at least 2-3 of her children with her, all in clean clothes, all sitting quietly through the service or singing along with the songs. she herself had on a gleaming white skirt, nicely ironed and an ironed t-shirt. i began to think about what it took for her to get there to church that night.

clean clothes - easy enough with a washer and dryer. a rather big challenge with no running water and doing your laundry in the river. also a challenge in a house that is probably a dirt floor.

ironed clothes - easy enough with an iron and ironing board. a rather big challenge with a charcoal heated iron (that let me tell you they are heavy irons!) and no ironing board.

i thought of edalia. she is a woman in my sewing project. her son jose is my little cutie. he is only three, but says i am his girlfriend. he came and sat on my lap. imagining her day prior to coming to churchthought about edalia and what it takes for her to get through a day, carrying water, buying food, cooking over an open fire, sweeping her yard every day, sweeping the trash out and the dust down. trying to make the food last just a little bit longer because she probably doesn't have money to buy for the next day. trying to care for and love her children. carrying two of her children at least a 20 minute walk down the mountain to come to the women's conference that night. both of her youngest boys were asleep on a towel on the concrete floor and edalia sat on the ledge outside the church because there weren't any seats left inside.

i am pretty sure that night i was at a women of faith conference!

full week. . .

realizing that i haven't posted since monday i think it has been a full week!! it has been a good week though.

i had a great time in the far west. another group from florida was having a revival and i went on tuesday and just realized again that God is in control and i am not. (which is a lesson i think i will probably learn over and over for the rest of my life!!)

i had a seminar with the nurses from the birthing center yesterday and today. i loved it. being able to help give them some knowledge for alot of what they do on a daily basis will only improve their care.

there are many more thoughts and ideas in my head, but i don't think tonight they will transfer to written form well, so i will write later. . .

i am grateful. . .

in this country where life is extremely hard for so many people i realize over and over how easy my life is and how much i have to be grateful for. . .

water. when you don't have it because the pump breaks you realize how nice it is to be able to take a shower. you realize that a birthing center truly does need water. i am grateful for the men who were here who knew how to fix a broken water pump.

electricity. when the generator doesn't work and you don't have lights you realize how dark it is. the last couple days the generator has been working again and i am glad!

family and friends who love me. i realized this tonight as i am working through a difficult situation with a girl whose mother really hasn't cared for her like a mother should. i am so grateful to be loved and be able to love.

support. i am grateful for those who support me so i can be here and also who are behind the programs that go on here. i delivered a baby today, the mother had been in labor at home and finally came here with high blood pressure and bled alot after the delivery. without the birthing center i know her outcome wouldn't have been good.

small gifts. i had five women bring back their sewing projects today. i am grateful to be able to be involved in their lives and help them even though in such a small way. i see it as a gift to be able to bless them and their children in this way. i wish i could do more.

staff. we have such awesome staff here. we did some staff pictures this last week. what we do here everyday we couldn't accomplish without them

i have to remind myself over and over again of the good things in life. of the blessings, of the way God is working through extremely difficult situations.

my heart. . .

maureen went to port-au-paix today and went to the hospital. she found out that the baby we had taken with an omphalocele had never had surgery and had died. also she couldn't find nesley the older boy who was so severely anemic and sick. so i am thinking he probably died.

my heart hurts tonight.

glad i am not a mechanic. . .

today i was grateful that i wasn't a mechanic. the reason being that i probably wouldn't have gotten on either of the tap-taps i went on today. tap-taps are the form of public transportation here. it is the back of a small pick up with boards around the edges as benches. the first truck had 24 people, four cases of coke bottles and multiple bags of stuff heading to the market. both trucks had flat tires. the first truck turned off the engine as we coasted down the hills. once again i am glad that i am not a mechanic.

new life. . .

we get to see new life almost every day in the birthing center.

new life needs new clothes, new diapers, new blankets. or you could say a layette.

the sewing hope project women have been making flannel baby blankets. five women come every week and get flannel and hem the edges. these blankets are for layettes and currently we don't have any layettes, so we got together the clothing and diapers we had and made layettes with what we had on sunday. we got about 40 or so made (that should last a couple weeks) we used stockinette to make baby hats. it makes a huge difference with a babies temperature to be able to put a little hat on their heads!

although five women aren't alot, i hope the money they are making is helping them feed their children. i guess for gary, nerline, john wendy and the other children in these families it helps them possibly have food for a couple days. thanks so much to those who are part of the sewing hope project.

rough night. . .

last night sylveste one of our nurses was doing a delivery and she said to me in perfect english right after the baby came out, "i need you to come look at this." so of course i did. the baby had its intestines on the outside of its body. it is called an omphalocele and is a medical emergency. we went into emergency mode and a few hours later (yeah that is an emergency in haiti!!) we arrived at the hospital. as of tonight the baby still hasn't had surgery.

while at the hospital last night i thought i would just check and see if nesly was still there. i didn't figure that he would live. at the end of the men's ward his bed was empty, i walked past it and turned to the small mass under sheets on another bed. i pulled back the sheet and it was him. i could hardly believe that he was still alive. he opened his eyes in shock to see me. he immediately reached out his arms. he still looks horrible.

also while at the hospital a man come up to me and said thanks for helping pay for his wife to get to the hospital. we had sent her that day because of her dangerously low blood levels. he said that baby had died, but she was ok. he could hardly stop saying thank you, thank you. . . there would have been no way for them to get to the hospital had i not financially helped them from money that was given to me from people like you.

i was exhausted upon getting back and getting in bed.

we have had generator issues most of today, when that happens we don't have a pump for our water tank. hopefully it keeps running, they seem to have it fixed now.

alex

alex

i would really appreciate your prayers for alex. he is an 18 year old who came in today. he has a horrible infection in his hand. it is swollen almost twice the size. he was working with a machete, got a blister, broke the blister and has had this for the last 21 days. obviously getting worse every day. it is open and has so much pus draining out, i worked on it for 30 minutes helping some of the infection drain and started him on IV antibiotics. . . but he really needs to see a surgeon. if it isn't somewhat better by tomorrow we will probably have to send him to one of the local hospitals. the problem always with everyone going to the hospitals is they don't have money. with no money they don't usually get treated.

that is faith. . .

last night matt (one of the full time staff members here) said, "hey guys guess what josiah just did? he got into his car himself, buckled up and just looked around for someone to push him." heather (josiah's mom) replied, "that is what you call faith!"

i feel that way right now with so many things in my life. this is especially true about our medical program right now. we are trying to meet some extremely amazing needs in a country where there is such little hope of improvement. we keep seeing more typhoid, more malnourished children, more deliveries. we aren't sure who is going to be pushing or supporting what we are doing. but i guess that is what you call faith. for josiah he got in his car and knew that someone would come push him around so he could play. for peter he got out and walked on water when he kept his eyes on Christ. for the israelites they walked around the city of jericho 7 times even when it didn't make sense as a battle plan. when God asks you to do something you walk in faith knowing that HE will provide. i have to believe that here.

day to day. . .

last thursday i had pregnant mom clinic in the far west. i also of course end up seeing some kids and other people! it truly is a blessing for me to be able to do this because the people in that area don't have access to medical care. i head back out today and will try to do a prenatal clinic every wednesday.

yesterday we had a 15 year old come into clinic. he was horribly malnourished. had been sick for 1 month. we did blood work on him and he has 1/3 the amount of blood he should. he had a horrible smell and some awful infection in his abdomen. there was some mixture of stool and pus coming out of his belly button. we got a truck and sent him to the hospital with money and hopes that he will be able to get a blood transfusion. his name is nesly. when we loaded him up on the truck he kept saying thank you, thank you. then he said to me - " nurse, if i live i will come back and see you." what a hard reality.

color. . .

i wrote this while i was in the far west this last week.

Color.

Color is amazing.

Color defines my life.

Some colors blend in beautiful melodies.

Others contrast in stark differences.

The ocean is deep languid blue.

The color stretches until you can see no more, until it reaches the soft hazy blue of the skyline.

The ocean is such that you feel it could consume you.

The sky is such that you feel as though you could float.

When I see the ocean it is love, deeper and wider than I could ever imagine.

The soft green and yellow of the cactus and trees stretches across the landscape.

The hues blend in almost indistinguishable shades.

Their colors are the feeling of warmth.

The egrit flying across the field is perfectly white, clean and pure.

The yellow flower with its soft petals against the sharp thorns speaks to me of hope.

The bright orange flowers on top of the long spiraling cactus are joy.

Color is life.

Life created.

Life continuing.

what a day!!

today was a bit crazy! if there were some way that i could just write about each situation, they do deserve their own story.


i am trying to think of how to even share how much has gone on today, but i don't think i can. it started with me going to the airport to pick up a couple guys who are visiting for a few days. they both work with other organizations and want to partner with us here. in the middle of the tour i was trying to give them one of the nurses asked me to come help start an IV. we have two little girls - one 4 years old and one who is 11 who both have typhoid. 103-4 fever anyone??


walking out from that to continue my tour there was an extremely malnourished baby. it has been a while since i have seen a little one this small. after lunch we had twins brought in whose mother died that morning after giving birth to them at home over an hour away from here. the afternoon brought a woman with an extremely swollen arm who i had asked to come yesterday when i saw her out walking, she may have elephantitis, not sure, but took some pictures and i will send it on to others who know more than i do.

the afternoon continued with a couple of my sewing ladies returning their projects. they really are doing such good jobs.

while i was trying to talk with our dentist and the guy who is visiting we had a mother carried to the birthing center on a bed who is having seizures and is only about 7 months pregnant.

i went through the birthing center after dinner to check on everything and the woman having seizures had another one. after we got her medicine i figured the nurses were a bit busy so i stitched up the guy who had been waiting for a while with a huge laceration on his head. he had been it by a rock.

then i boiled some water and cleaned isaiah's bottles. those are his little feet. he is 4 pounds now!!

i am very glad every day isn't like today!! and i am extremely grateful to whoever left some great chamomile tea here.

Love is. . .

this last weekend danielle (another full time staff person) and i made valentines cookies for the medical staff. i have been thinking about this verse. . .

Love is. . .

patient

kind

is not jelous

does not brag

is not arrogant

does not act unbecomingly

does not seek its own

is not provoked. . .

rejoices with the truth

bears all things

believes all things

hopes all things

endures all things.

Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13:4-8

three to a four wheeler. . .

i made it home safely from the far west yesterday. mike, vogley (his interpretor) and i all made the trip on their four wheeler. it was a tight ride! i realized that i should have taken pictures after we got home.

getting fat!!!

here is mr. isaiah and to me it looks like he is getting fat. he weighed a whole 3 lbs. 15 oz. today!!! some of you may not agree with me, but his face is just changing and filling out more and more every day.

i head to the far west tomorrow to have a prenatal clinic on wednesday.

i am someone special. . .

this little guy ben came last week with an infected knee. he has already been to both of the local hospitals and they haven't been able to help him. i have been corresponding with an orthopedic surgeon who comes here for surgical trips to try to figure out exactly what to do with him in regards to him medical care. we were just going to watch it for a while and think he may have osteomylitis (infection in his bone). he came back this morning because it looks worse and we are going to try a course of antibiotics.

you can't see very well in this picture, but his t-shirt says - "i am someone special." his mother completely adores him and he is a very loving child. (except for if i am cleaning his knee or starting an IV!!) i guess when i saw his t-shirt this morning it made me think. each person i see here is someone special, they are someone's daughter, sister, friend, loved one. i have to keep that in mind when at times they perhaps seem to be an interruption or frustration.

i think at times we also forget that - we are someone special, each made with our own unique characteristics, made for a purpose. i needed that reminder this morning in my life.

small things. . .

sunday morning i came back from church early. i have been taking care of louvinsky who is from the orphanage in port-au-paix. he had malaria and typhoid and i needed to come back and give him a dose of antibiotics. i hung his medication and thought i would try to lay down and rest a few minutes. this last week has been extremely busy. we had a medical group here and that always makes things a bit busier in my life. over the weekend, especially saturday, things were rather crazy, so i really thought a cat-nap would help me feel better.

as i lay there all the noises that had been merely background noises were now more real. i focused on them one at a time. i heard den, one of the special needs children who lives here playing in the courtyard right outside my door. he was taking rocks and i could hear them hitting the metal of his toy dump truck. who knows what he was building in his imagination.

the children from children's church always come and have a lesson in our clinic waiting room that is around the corner from my room. they were singing. one of those children's songs that get's faster and faster with each round. i think most of them were singing at the top of their lungs. then they began to work on their memory verse. the leader would say a line and they would all repeat it. over and over they worked on learning it, i just lay their listening. in the end they could all shout it the whole way through.

one of the women who works with the special needs children was working on laundry. i heard her because she was singing. some of the songs here are in this minor key that makes them very deep and soulful and even though i couldn't hear well enough to understand the words i could hear her praise.

sometimes i get caught up in doing the big things, but really these small things probably bring more glory than most of our big endeavors.

contrasts. . .

some days here are filled with such contrasts that i feel they are almost different days or even different places yet they are not. yesterday for example we had babies born, new lives that entered the world. later in the afternoon we had a woman come in severe heart failure and not breathing. the medical team here worked on trying to save her for a couple hours and were not able to. she left this world.

in the midst of that afternoon i had told one of the mothers in the nutrition program to come and was wanting to have her start on the sewing hope project. the project is to have woman sew baby blankets and then pay them when they are finished and then add the blankets to our baby layettes. these woman can hopefully earn money for their families.

today was another example of the extreme contrasts. i went through a tough experience of talking with a mother who brought her baby Israek. he is 4 months old and came with letters from port-au-prince stating that he has tranposition of the great arteries. basically he has a serious heart condition that can't be fixed here in haiti. i checked his oxygen saturation in his blood and it was lower than i thought possible. the oxygen cannula just made him scream all the more and his heart rate go up even more. we prayed with the mother and she really prayed also and stated that she knows her Savior is her only hope. what a reality that is.

in the midst of working with little Israek and his mother this afternoon mama louiska returned with the blanket i gave her yesterday to sew. she did a wonderful job sewing it. what a contrast in my mind, the contrast of a small glimpse of hope in a sewing project to help provide for your children and a mother who knows that her only hope is God healing her child from a severe heart defect. some days it is a challenge to process it all.

perspective. . .

this morning heather owen and i went to the local hospital to get one of the orphans who had been there for 8 days with malaria and typhoid. he is going to stay here and we will continue to treat him for typhoid. on the way to the hospital the sun was warm and shining, but while we were inside all the sudden there was the loud sound of rain against the roof.

after we were all loaded up in the truck and heading back to st. louis du nord the road had completely changed because of the rain. there was mud everywhere. there were children who had just gotten out from school trying to manage to walk carefully and not fall in the mud and also not get too dirty. one little boy who looked about 6-7 years old picked up his little friend who was a couple years younger and carried her along the worst part of the road. it was such a representation to me of what we are supposed to be for each other, willing to carry each other through the rough times and allow others to carry us when we are weak.

a whole ounce!

little isaiah tonight took a whole ounce of formula from a bottle. he really is doing amazingly well!

talk, talk, talk. . .

over the last three days, wednesday through friday i have met with most of our medical staff one on one. we took time to talk about the strenghts and weaknesses of our programs, each person's roles and responsibilities, what we need to do to improve our programs and we prayed together.

we have such awesome staff who are meeting significant needs every day. i hope to be able to work on developing more adequate resources to help meet the daily needs of what our medical programs do here everyday for this community.

i have to say that after those three days of meetings, my creole and english ran together and in the evenings it was hard to sort it out and be able to speak clearly in either langauge! i do hope these were not merely talk, but an encouragement to those who face some very difficult situations every day here in haiti.

little isaiah. . .

meet little isaiah.he was born sunday night at 1:30 am.
his mom came and was extremely sick. so he came early, too early.



monday morning we sent him and his mother to the local hospital hoping they would be able to have more advanced care there. unfortunately, when they arrived at the hospital, there was no oxygen and the incubator wasn't working. so he came back here and his mom stayed at the hospital. he is doing great. he is off oxygen, is tolerating feedings in his NG tube. we heard yesterday that his mother died. i am not sure what disease process she had, but she had 6 children already, so if this little guy lives, his life will be pretty difficult in an already difficult country.

out of my element

shortly after dinner last night one of our nurses came looking for the key to open our dental clinic because a person had fallen and their teeth were "broken into their face". we couldn't find the right key so off we went looking for who we thought had it. i went into the birthing center expecting to see an adult, but it was a little six year old boy whose front teeth were smashed and his lower teeth were all displaced and possibly his jaw also broken.

just a little sidenote - anything to do with injuries in the mouth totally gross me out!!

the dentist showed up and began to evaluate his injuries. she started to numb his mouth and he began to flail all over no matter how many people were attempting to hold him. so i offered to start an IV and give him some pain medicine and hopefully sedate him enough that she could get his mouth numb. of course doing anything such as that made me extremely nervous because of his injuries in his mouth and the fact that we could lose his airway. we have a pediatric nurse on this trip which it was great to have her there to help!! we were able to get him somewhat comfortable. our dentist dr. lawrence worked at removing his front teeth that were completely misplaced and pulling his baby teeth that were also crushed. (we found out that he had fallen forward going up stairs- ouch!!) so i ended up holding his arms and eventually even trying to help hold his tongue in place. let me tell you that whole experience was completely out of my element. i felt like many other must when they watch babies be born and can't handle it. i had to do deep breathing to be sure i didn't lose it!! over and over dr. lawrence tried to tie his lower teeth that were misplaced to the ones that were still intact and over and over it didn't work because we didn't have the right suture. she finally replaced his two front teeth. so really that is all he has in the front.

this little guy is stevenson. the dentist wasn't able to do all she wanted because she didn't have the right suture. so we have to send him to another hospital tomorrow. that is always a challenge due to money, but there is a group here who are all going to help get some money to pay the bill, that is if we can find someone who can do what needs to be done.

later this morning stevenson's mom said he was asking about the toys we told him we would give him while we were trying to get him to lay still. so really he is doing amazingly well and i had better go deliver a toy!!